Her Everything
by ForTheLoveOfALovatic
Summary: I wanted to give her what she deserved, and that was the world. But how could I give her the world when I can't leave my room? Trigger warning. Alex/Mitchie
1. Chapter 1

**Trigger warning: If reading about eating disorders or self harm is a trigger I advise to please not read this**.

"Mitch are you in here" I heard my name being called from behind the bathroom door. Panic struck.

I struggled quickly to my feet. After catching my balance I flushed the toilet and pulled my hair out of the hair tie I was using to hold it back. I walked to the other side of the bath room and leaned my body against the cold counter top to face the mirror. My eyes took a second to focus. My face was tinted red and my eyes had just the smallest amount of water lining them. I turned the sink on and washed my hands throughly. I dabbed under my eyes with a towel and cleared my throat, "Just a second"

I rinsed my mouth with mouthwash spitting it directly into to sink. I took one more deep breath and looked myself over. My hands were shaky but couldn't do much about that. My knuckles were red and had tiny teeth marks indented in them. I pulled my sleeves down stretching them as far as they could go. Nerves took over, what if she knew what I was doing in there?

I had no choice but to open the door. I twisted the knob slowly. Before I could even see into my bed room something smashed against my face followed by a loud laugh. "What the hell were you doing in the there" my girlfriend Alex asked between her laughter.

I looked at the ground to see a pillow at my feet, clearly what had just hit me in the face. I picked up it up and threw it back her way. The throw was rather weak but the best I could do. "Going to the bathroom, what else would I be doing. What are you doing here?" I asked changing the subject.

She shrugged her shoulders "I don't know, I was bored"

I laughed and took a seat next to her on my bed. "When are you not bored?"

She smirked, I took this as the perfect time to lean and and give her a kiss. "You know you love when I just show up" she smiled and kept her mouth against my own.

"Maybe" again a pressed our lips back together.

She pulled away from the kiss. "Hey" she yelled as I felt the pressure of her hand hit the side of my arm.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into me causing us to both fall into a laying position, "I'm just kidding Lex, I love when you just show up."

Me and Alex have been dating for over a year and a half. She started off as my best friend from elementary school, but one drunken night I accidentally expressed my feelings to her. Actually it was more like I showed my feelings to her considering I kissed her in the middle of a conversation. At first she seemed hesitant, especially that night, we were both extremely drunk. After about a week she showed up in my room, much like what she did today. As weirdly cliche storybook this sounds she told me she had felt same way, and had as long I as I did, if not longer. Needless to say right then and there I asked her to be my girlfriend. It wasn't a very monumental way of asking, but I had liked her for so long I couldn't help but jump the gun.

People around school didn't really believe us at first. I think it was mostly because we have always been so close to begin with. It took many public hallway make out sessions and hand holding to get everyone to know we were serious.

"My mom says hi" Alex said between a few more kisses.

"Tell her I said hello" I smiled.

Alex told her parents almost immediately, they took it rather well. They said they loved me to death and are happy she's with a nice girl that can't get her pregnant. I thought it was funny, but they were right. My parents on the other hand don't know. Actually they have absolutely no idea, or any reason to fathom the fact that I am gay. Alex is a lot more out going and fearless then I am myself. I haven't built up the courage to really "come out" to my parents. And although I assume they will take it well, I just can't get myself to do so.

"We should do something tonight Mitch" Alex's voice wined as she looked around my room.

"I don't think theirs really anything to do."

She looked at me for a second while pressing her tongue against her cheek. "How about we go to diner or something?"

My heart dropped immediately at the sound of my girlfriends request. "Babe that sounds cute and all but I'm tired and not extremely hungry. Why don't we just watch a movie here or something?"

She groaned and laid back on the bed. "You never want to do anything"

I repositioned my body to face her. "That's not true Lex." But it was more then true. We hadn't gone out on a date in months. Hell we barley even left the house anymore. It was all my fault their was no denying that. Alex always had a million plans, she was up for anything and everything. It killed me to keep her cooped up with me. But theirs something wrong with my head. I can't eat without gaining weight. And I can't be happy. And going out just makes me feel vulnerable.

Alex breathed out loudly then stood to her feet. She placed a kiss on my forehead, "I think I'm just going to go home tonight Mitch."

"You just got here" I wined.

She nodded slowly, "I know but I have things to do around the house anyway." She lied .

I nodded and looked at her apologetically "sorry Lex"

She nodded lightly then kissed me one last time. I could see the hurt in her eyes. I know she just wants to have fun with me me, she just wants to do something with her girlfriend. As she walked out my bedroom door her body was anything but confident. She walked almost defeated, and that hurt to watch. I wanted to make my girlfriend happy. I wanted her to get what she deserved, and that was the world. But how could I give her the world when I can't leave my room?

I stayed laying in my bed for almost an hour letting that brief instance with Alex reply over and over. Finally I pushed the weight of my body off the bed and walked over to my bathroom once more. I sent Alex an apology text as I walked. She deserved to at least have me acknowledge the fact I had done something wrong. Once I was in the bathroom I searched through the draws for that tiny silver blade. As much as I hated relying on this thing it's something I needed to do. The pain was too real in my mind, so I suppressed it. It was was to the point I was almost just an empty shell of myself. I was hurting the girl I loved more then anything from my own selfish self pity. I hated that I couldn't just be normal. But this thing helped me feel. I slid it over my arm quite a few times. I could feel blood on my hands but I didn't like to look at it.

After about a half hour of sitting on my bathroom floor I heard my phone vibrate, a text from Alex.

Don't be sorry Mitch. I just need to know, is it me? Did I do something wrong to make you not want to be seen with me?

Immediately tears rolled down my cheeks. The feeling of hatred hit me hard. I hate myself for making her feel like she's in the wrong all the time.

**Thanks so much for reading! I plan on updating this at least twice a week! Reviews are great motivation and I love any comments or suggestions! **


	2. Chapter 2

**I just want to thank everyone who reviewed my first chapter! It was great hearing what you all thought! Please keeping reviewing it really helps me know what you guys think!**

I wiped away my tears slowly as I struggled to walk over to the shower. My head felt heavy and I felt anything but fully conscious. I twisted the knob to start the water before making my way over to my phone. As I walked I took off layer after layer of clothing.

Alex had texted me a few more times after her first initial text, but I didn't have it in me to answer. I decided to send her a text tomorrow morning when I was in a better state of mind. Steam rolled out from under the shower curtain and began to fog the whole room. Slowly I climbed in not even taking time to check the temperature first.

My shower was a blur. It lasted somewhere around twenty minutes, but that's merely a guess. The water stung each cut along my arm, causing me to wince in pain every time it made contact. After the water turned a little colder I climbed out and wrapped a towel around my body. I didn't mind when the cold of my bedroom hit. I dropped the towel and fell onto my bed.

Before I knew it I was woken to the sound of my door opening. I opened my eyes cautiously and saw the light seeping through my window, is it really already morning?

"Mitchie are you okay?" Alex stood in my doorway looking at me rather confused.

I looked at myself to realize that I was completely naked in the middle of my bed. I could feel my face turn red from embarrassment. I jumped to my feet and scrambled for the towel beside my bed. I kept my arms cautiously to my sides in fear of her noticing my cuts. "Uh. Yeah sorry Lex I guess I fell asleep after my shower last night" I said still fiddling with my towel.

She smirked, "I can see that."

I shook my head awkwardly enough to make it obvious I was embarrassed. "Just give me a second to put some clothes on"

She nodded and stayed in the doorway. I jumped over the side of my bed and over to my closet. I threw a sweatshirt over my head and followed with black leggings. Alex wasn't dressed up at all. She had on a similar outfit to my own. Once I was fully clothed I sat on the edge of my bed. Alex stepped towards me and cautiously took a seat.

"You scared me last night Mitch. You just stopped answering. I called like ten times."

"Sorry Lex" I let my eyes drop to the floor. "I was really tired I didn't even realize you called" I hated lying to her but their was nothing else I could say to make the fact that I ignored her all night.

"I'm just really worried about you babe" she ran her fingers through my hair.

I grabbed her hand from my hair and held it. "You don't need to worry, everything's fine."

She nodded and squeezed my hand slightly. "Well since I'm here want to go grab some breakfast?"

My heart skipped a beat. "How about I make breakfast?" I pressed my tongue to the inside of my cheek. "I want to do something special for you." I smiled sheepishly to cover my nerves. I've learned after a few months that offering to do something cute is a weak spot for Alex, she can't turn it down.

She quickly got off my bed and ran to the kitchen, immediately I darted after her. We both ran quickly down the stairs, I was almost right at her heals. She swung her body around the the bottom of the stairs using the railing. I jumped about two steps and almost got in front of her. She ran full speed into the kitchen and slid over to the center island. Unfortunately I didn't have socks on like she did, I came in two seconds behind and smashed into her side. Our laughter echoed around the house, luckily we were the only ones home.

It took a few seconds to die down. Once it did Alex smiled, "so are you going to make me breakfast or what?"

I slapped her arm. "Not with an attitude like that."

She pouted and batted her eyelashes, "but you love me."

I planted a kiss on her cheek, "you're lucky that's true"

I decided to make pancakes and eggs, Alex's favorite. I had her assist my with the stirring while I prepared everything else. "Are you having some?" Alex questioned.

"You know I don't like breakfast" I lied. Breakfast was actually my favorite, the smell alone coming off the pancakes was making my stomach churn. But I didn't have an option to eat right now. Alex watched me closely and if I ran off to the bathroom after every meal it wouldn't take long for her to know something was wrong.

"That's crazy to me, breakfast is like the best meal of the day."

I shrugged my shoulders, "not for me."

Alex finished her breakfast rather quickly. A smiled as she played with her food. Every once in awhile she would attempt to throw a piece of pancake in her mouth, and almost every time she missed.

Together we washed the dishes. The entire time we washed them Alex continued to splash water on me, I wasn't one to let her win so I splashed her back. Before we knew it a water fight broke out in the kitchen. Again laughter filled my house. Her laugh was honestly so adorable. She did this thing where she threw her head back, something about that was so innocent, sort of like a little child. It made my heart melt.

Eventually after breakfast and dish washing we made our way back to my room. I was the first to lay down. I lifted the blanket and showed Alex the open spot next to me. She took my offer and laid down. I wrapped my arm around her waist and put my face on the back of her neck. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. Something about laying with her was so peaceful. It gave me a feeling of security, something I rarely felt.

Before I knew it Alex was shaking me to wake up. "Mitch, babe we fell asleep."

I rubbed my eyes and looked around my room, the sun was setting. Did we really sleep that long? "What time is it?" I said in a lagging tone.

"Five thirty" she said checking the time on her cell phone. She leaned down and kissed my forehead before standing up. "I have to go, I told my mom i'd be home for dinner"

I nodded understandingly, "one more kiss?"

She giggled then kissed me again, "I'll see you later." And with that she walked out my bedroom door.

I waited to hear my front door shut before sitting up in my bed. I looked around my room and couldn't help but sigh, I was alone again...


	3. Chapter 3

**So I actually wrote this just to get some insight to what Mitchie is going through, it's not a full chapter but I thought if I added Alex in it that would wreck the tone I was going for in this. So don't be mad this isn't long I apologize.**

It was as if my body gravitated towards my bathroom. Rational thoughts fled my mind the second I heard the front door shut. I picked up a glass on my counter and filled it with water. As the water ran I dug through the medicine cabinet above the sink. I grabbed an orange container that was designated for my sleeping pills. I use to use these a lot a few months ago. Back then I couldn't sleep, it was rather impossible. I would stay up for nights at a time. Weeks would pass and with each one I got just about one full night of sleep. Back then I was always awake. My mind didn't let me sleep. Things would fly in and out. Ideas rushed one after the other. I couldn't say I was happy then, but it wasn't this.

Alex and I had napped so long today I knew I'd have trouble falling into any type of sleep. I threw four in my mouth and chased them with the water I had just filled. My fingers trailed to the draw. I opened it slowly and picked up the silver blade. I held it between my two fingers and up towards the light. I couldn't help but question how I got here as I stood looking between the blade, the pills, and the reflection in the mirror. Who have I turned into?

Visions of Alex this afternoon replayed in my mind. Her laugh, the way she played with her food. She was so full of life, so full if love for me. I could feel my mood change within that second. She loved me and I had nothing to offer but this.

Slowly I slid the blade across my exposed thigh, immediately the stinging sensation followed. I didn't particularly like the feeling of cutting myself, it was unpleasant. But for some reason it gave me a release. I feeling helped surpass my emptiness.

I took a seat on the floor. My legs began to feel tired and holding my head up became a struggle. I pulled my shirt up slightly and swiped the blade across my stomach. This one stung the least. This was a place on my body I hated the most, it deserved to be pained. My hands were covered in a light coating of blood. I pressed it to the cold tile floor and a hand print appeared. I traced a heart within the hand print and for a second began to smile. But quickly that sickened me, there was no reason to smile.

My eyes felt heavy and I knew it was time for bed. I used my body strength to pull myself into a standing position. I was extremely dizzy. I tilted slightly and fell into the wall with a harder hit than I imagined to happen. I re slid back down the wall letting my body crumple to the floor. I guess this is where I'm sleeping tonight.

**Thanks for reading! Please review?**


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